Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” – Dalai Lama
I think we all would agree with the Dalai Lama’s sentiment. But most of us (myself included) forget all too quickly and just go about our lives as we always have. It’s not until something happens, something momentous, that we pay enough attention to make changes.
Don’t take for granted what you already have
Wealth can lead to better health. Wealth can provide better healthcare, clean water, and food necessary for good health. But that’s not what I’m talking about here. In this case, I’m thinking about health and wealth from a first world perspective.
If you were to ask any sick person, rich or poor, what they want – health or wealth, I can almost guarantee you they will want health. Yet those who are already experiencing good health typically want more wealth.
Health > Wealth. If you would have said that to me 6 months ago, I would have agreed with you. And then I would have carried on with my life as before, paying more attention to building my wealth than the value of my health. Not that I ignore my health – I eat healthy and exercise regularly. But I took it for granted and forgot how life could change in an instant.
“Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you”
I recently had a good wake up call. What I thought was a knee problem wasn’t really a knee problem. Alan and I went to the doctor for the results of the MRI with the expectation I would have surgery to “fix” my knee, but we got surprising news.
The PA struggled to explain what the radiologist, doctor and he had seen on the MRI, probably because they’d never seen anything like it before. All we could really decipher from the conversation was that my leg was full of cysts and I needed to go to someone who could figure it out. A referral was made to Mayo Clinic.
It took a few hours for that news to actually sink in. There were so many unanswered questions and, I admit, my mind went to all sorts of dark and scary places.
“Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you” (Jim Carrey and Tony Robbins)
This simple statement woke me up. Over the coming days and weeks, I worked on my mindset. I realized many of the things that seemed important before were unimportant in the grand scheme of things. I figured the “cysts” probably weren’t life threatening. Still, I worked on my mindset – I focused on the positive and the things I could control. I was prepared to deal with anything.
After a few long weeks of waiting for my appointment, I found out I have hundreds of benign nerve tumors in my leg (key word: benign!). After a subsequent surgery, I was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder (Segmental Neurofibromatosis). It’s so rare, in fact, that it’s like winning the lottery.
And it truly feels like I have won the lottery. For the rest of my life, I will have a constant reminder to be grateful. Grateful those tumors are benign. Grateful for access to good health care. Grateful for the amazing people in my life. Grateful for my new approach to life. Grateful to remember the importance of today.
What if there was no tomorrow?
What would you do if you found out that you were dying? Would you spend time with your loved ones? Real, quality time? Would you tell them how important they are? Would you take time to (literally) smell the roses, notice the clouds in the sky, appreciate the sunset?
As much as we don’t like to think about it, we are all dying. Sorry, but it’s guaranteed.
I don’t mean to be morbid here. And I know it’s not a popular topic. But if we considered this fact each and every day, we would live our lives differently.
We would take a step back and notice what’s really important.
We would learn that there are the things we can control and the things we cannot. No sense wasting time on the things we can’t control. But we could change our lives (and the lives of others) with the things we can control.
Yet, how do we keep this in our consciousness when it’s not happening to us right now? How do we remember the importance of health, the value of living right now, right here, today?
I don’t have a solid answer to this question. And I think it is different for each person. But I do think reminding ourselves each and every day is helpful. How you do this is up to you, but here are some suggestions:
- Give this popular song a listen (and check out the story behind it)
- Hang this on your fridge
- Set reminders and quotes on your phone
Either set up your own quotes and reminders, or use an app, such as Thankful For
- Mindfulness and meditation
We are inundated with thoughts from the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep. 50,000 – 70,000 thoughts go through our head each day – our minds are like teleprompters on speed. Add in the regular distractions of today’s technology and our minds are in a whirlwind of constant activity. Mindfulness and meditation can help:
“Mindfulness is about training yourself to pay attention in a specific way. When a person is mindful, they are:
- Focused on the present moment
- Not worrying about anything that went on in the past or that might be coming up in future
- Purposefully concentrating on what’s happening around them and to them
- Not being judgemental about anything they notice” – Reachout.com
Meditation is a practice that helps bring about more mindfulness. It’s been shown to have far reaching benefits, both mentally and physically. Don’t know where to start? I suggest starting with the Headspace app if you’ve never done meditation before (this is where I started).
Whatever you choose to do, always remember that today is a gift. Make it a good day.
Have you ever had a momentous experience that changed your life? Do you live like you were dying? If so, how? What do you think would help remind you of the importance of today?
P.S. I have plans to go skydiving this summer, but no bull riding 🙂
It was a total shock when our son passed away 5 years ago. The feeling that life is fleeting and I need to take as much of it in as possible or run as fast as I can to do the things most important has never left me. I was very changed by it. I’m not sure we would have taken that year off.
I cannot even fathom this, Ms. Montana. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure it’s changed the trajectory of your life in exponential ways. I love how you are sharing your story and inspiring others to change their lives too. Thanks for sharing!
Retirement has gotten me thinking more about time and how much of it is left. But we never really know so we have to follow Tim’s advice (I’m pretty sure I know the song you included but I can’t listen now because it makes me cry.)
That’s right, we just never know! It’s easy to forget, but important to remember. I’m glad you didn’t listen to the song. I don’t want you to cry, Mrs. Groovy! Another great song – that might not make you cry – is “I’m Alive” by Kenny Chesney. It’s a great one for being grateful for today.
I wish it was so easy (but not in a bad way) to experience that feeling daily. The one where you experience something so profound that when your boss sends you a not so nice email, instead of your stomach going into knots you thought, “this shit really doesn’t matter.” Because yes, if I found out my life was ending soon, I sooooo would not care about a stupid email. I do try to keep that in perspective. I need to care about the work I do, but not THAT much. I’m reading the Magic of Not Giving a F*ck. It’s awesome! And hilarious!
“this shit really doesn’t matter” – this!!! 🙂 It’s interesting how what seems so important in our daily lives becomes so very unimportant when we get those reminders of how short life really is. It isn’t easy for us to experience that every day, but life is so much sweeter when we do. Another great book recommendation from you, Tonya – that sounds like one I would love. Thanks for sharing.
You’ll get to experience that most profoundly way before you die. Like when you have all your FU money and you are almost out the door!
After our oldest daughter was born, I had several weeks there where my life was in serious danger. Spent a lot of time in the ICU. Makes you realize what really matters in life. Amanda, I’m so proud of you for your awesome attitude, and for taking control over what you can. Great job!
Thank you so much, Laurie. I’m glad everything worked out with your health after the birth of your daughter. I can only imagine how life changing that must have been. It’s so important to constantly remember those things that really matter!
Having lost three sibling over the years has certainly put things in perspective for me. It’s incredibly difficult on my mom too, I can’t imagine a parent losing three children. It shows you have fragile live can be. Keep up the positive attitude Amanda, it’s half the battle!
Oh I can’t imagine losing three children. I’m sure it’s been a really difficult time for your mother. It’s those times of loss when we really remember. Thanks for the comment, Brian!
Such an important message. I think there is a huge focus on the future in the PF blogosphere. It’s good to make plans and take responsible action in light of the future, but it’s not a good place to live.
I can’t say I’m great at living in the moment, but we have tried to build our life around what we believe really matters–people. After every funeral we attend, I’m struck by the concept of leaving a legacy. Not money, but the impact of your life on others. That’s always a powerful reminder.
Great point, Kalie! It can be difficult to find the balance between living for today and planning for tomorrow. I have lived in the future far too often in my adult life. I’m really trying to make an effort to stop and do those things that are important, but it’s still easy to get lost sometimes.
Yes, it’s the people that matter!!! That’s what I’m trying hardest to focus on. We attended a funeral 2 weeks ago, and as I listened to his family and friends tell stories of his life, I was struck by how he had such an impact on others’ lives. It is most definitely a powerful reminder.
I tend to be an excessive worrier, especially when my kids are sick. This is a fantastic, uplifting message about creating a life that you want to live now and not waiting until things are perfect (perfectionism is my other downfall).
I don’t usually watch videos within blog posts, but you had me at Jim Carrey-That’s the first time I’ve heard that message and I’m so glad I watched!
Thank you! I used to worry more. I admit, I still do, but I try to remind myself of what I can control. If I can’t control it, I try to let it go. So, every time my 16 year old gets in the car and drives away, I remind myself of this! 🙂
I’m glad you enjoyed the Jim Carrey video. I’d recommend listening to the entire commencement speech sometime – it’s a great one!
Reminisce about the past and dream about the future, but always live in the present. I tend to be a planner and often think about the future which is a good thing except when it holds me back from being present. Awhile back when we took a short road trip with my then 2 year old…we got to an aquarium kind of late. I looked at the events and map planning the next few hours and was about to drag my son to go see all the sights when I realized that he was excited looking at the big fish tank near the entrance. I almost missed about on experiencing that because I’m constantly planning.
“Reminisce about the past and dream about the future, but always live in the present.” Love this, Andrew! I’m a planner too, so it can be hard to just go with the present moment. Love the example of the aquarium and your son! 🙂 I think my kids have taught me to live more in the moment. Though I’m far from perfect, any time they want to spend time with me or talk to me, I try to stop whatever I’m doing and focus on them. Because with teenagers, it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it used to. They will be out of the house before I know it.
I’ve thought a lot more about it since I lost my mom 5 years ago. She lived so fully and was so content, and I don’t always remember to do the things she did to make her life so. But what has been pushing me to stay in the moment is watching how quickly Little Bit is growing up, and trying to be mindful of creating memories with her while she’s still in the mood to hang out with her mom and dad.
The kids grow up sooo fast. I can’t believe mine are teenagers and one will be leaving the house next year. I’m taking every opportunity to enjoy the moments when we’re together. Little Bit won’t slow down – I love how that’s helping you to stay in the moment and build those memories. 🙂
I’m glad you were able to take a potential negative and turn it into a positive. Those are always the most important wins in life.
I have a post in the works on a similar topic (probably for Thursday, as I am not managing my time well enough to have it ready for tomorrow). My grandfather passed away last week. When my family got together we talked about how he has been telling us that every interaction with him was probably our last for at least the last 10 years. It sounds morbid, but it reminded us of the importance of being present when we were with him. It made the last 10 years so much more meaningful because were took the time to savor those moments.
I’m so sorry about your grandfather, Matt. My thoughts are with you. I love that he reminded you for so long that it could be your last time together (and it’s great you got 10 years!). Really, this is true for all of our interactions, all the time. If we were reminded of it more often, I wonder how our lives (and relationships) would change.
In the book 5 Secrets You Must Learn Before You Die, one of the 90 year old interviewees said he cried each time he saw a beautiful sunset – because he reminded himself each time that it could be the last time he sees a beautiful sunset. I don’t really think this is a sad way to look at the world – and that’s not the way he meant it – it’s just recognizing how precious and fleeting those moments are.
I’m really looking forward to that post!
Sorry that you won this particular lottery, but very happy to hear that the tumors are benign! We’re losing a loved one to cancer right now and it has certainly shifted our perspective on time, money, and things. What’s troubling to me is how quickly and easily we can slip right back into old habits of focusing on the wrong things.
I know you guys are going through a loss and it must be incredibly difficult. It really does change your outlook on life. Especially time, values and relationships. I agree, it is unfortunate that we fall back into our out habits of focusing on things that don’t matter. I’ve actually found myself doing that recently – and I get frustrated when I realize it’s happening. I’ve tried to use the nerve pain as a reminder – that helps me, but I still get distracted. And I get stressed about stupid stuff. It’s a work in progress for sure, but I think it’s worthwhile to continue to work on it.
Glad to hear everything turned out OK for you!
One experience that changed my life was when my Grandpa passed away at the young age of 56. He had stomach cancer and only lived 9 months after they found it. I learned to never take any time with family for granted – life is too short. Now that I have a daughter, I’m accelerating my goals to achieve FI and to find a job that requires less of my time so I can spend more time with her and my wife!
Thanks Taylor! 🙂 Yes, your grandpa was very young. It’s situations like this that remind us of how important it is to treasure today. I love your focus on your family and your Why for achieving FI! It was apparent to me last weekend that you value your family above all else.
What good is wealth if you don’t have your health?
You said it, Philip!!! 🙂 I completely agree. Thanks for the comment!
I hadn’t heard that song, and I got weepy as I listened to it, thinking of what you’d been through. What an amazing response you’ve had to your health scare! May God bless you with an even greater abundance of life in the aftermath of this journey. Sky diving this summer? Looks like you’re there : )
I’m sorry you got weepy, Ruth. But, I do like the message in the song! Thank you so much for your kind words. What seemed like such a big deal a couple of months ago, is now just part of my life. Except it serves as the perfect reminder of how quickly things in life can change. Oh – skydiving was actually planned prior to all of this, but now it’s even more significant. 🙂
My grandfather passed away not much older then I am now. My father had cancer before 65. These things are always in the back of my mind reminding me to live every day.
Your grandfather passed away very young, FTF. I’m sure this and your father’s health do serve as a good reminder to live for and appreciate each day. Thanks for sharing!
Yay for benign tumours! That is most excellent news.
Remembering that life is short is shockingly hard to do. It is so easy to get caught up in the tedious minutiae of the day-to-day and forget the things that truly important.
Thanks, Mrs. BITA! In everyday life, it is really hard to remember that our time is finite! I’m definitely a work in progress.
So much to be grateful for! Thanks for the reminders Amanda.
I look forward to hearing about your skydiving adventure. Something I’ve always thought I wanted to do but I’ve yet to take the steps to do it.
Hope your recovery continues to go well.
Thank you, Amy! 🙂 I need a bit more time to recover, but I’m really excited about the skydiving!
I was talking to someone today and we were discussing if we were gone tomorrow what impact we would have left. We both decided that there was so much more that we wanted and needed to do and began to work on some things together that I hope will bear some fruit in the next couple of months. Leaving a lasting legacy is definitely something that I want to do 🙂
Agreed, MSM! Leaving a legacy and making a difference is something I would like to do too. Loved your post on kindness this week! 🙂
I’m glad that you are doing well. I’ve definitely had a few of these moments in recent years, so I try really hard to make the most of each day–even a walk around town to appreciate the flowers in bloom is a step in the right direction.
Thanks, Claudia! A walk to appreciate the flowers in bloom is the perfect way to to appreciate today. This is the reason I love gardening…it grounds me and helps me stay in the moment. 🙂
As your fellow bloggers and friends have also expressed, I’m glad to hear that the doctors were able to figure out the cause and that the tumors were benign. Scary times I’m sure.
Not to sound morbid, but I sometimes ponder what my eulogy will convey about me. I know what I want it to express, so I just need to make sure I live my life accordingly.
BTW – I tried Headspace originally, but I kept focusing on his British accent rather than clearing my mind. I eventually settled on Calm.
Thanks, Mr. Need2save! I’ve thought about my funeral…and planned it out in my head. And I’ve already given instructions to my husband that it will not be called a funeral, but a party. I don’t think it’s morbid, I think it’s a great way to think about what you want to leave behind, how you want to be remembered – and help you live in a way that people will remember and appreciate.
That’s funny, I find the headspace accent relaxing! I tried headspace first, then calm, but went back to headspace…maybe because of the accent!!?? 🙂
When my wife was pregnant with our twins, we had an ultrasound that showed issues for both of our kids. The doctors weren’t sure exactly what was going on but the most likely issue would have been cystic fibrosis – with a life expectancy in the 20s/30s.
This completely dominated our mindset for the next several months until the kids were born. Neither had CF but one needed surgery at 2 days old and spent a month in the NICU and had tons of appointments in the years to follow.
I’ve tried to use this to spend my time with my kids as grateful time, but even with everything, there are plenty of moments where I’m not fully present.
It’s a continuous battle against human nature but one well worth fighting!
I can’t even imagine what those months were like, Chris! It’s great everything turned out okay in the end, but it’s probably something you will never, ever forget.
You’re so right, it is a continuous battle against human nature! I’m always searching for new ways to remind myself, but still forget more than I would like. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day.
Thanks so much for sharing your story! 🙂
I’m soooo glad you’re on the mend!! It definitely puts things into perspective when your health is lost. I have spent the past 3 days at the hospital with my grandmother who is barely hanging on. What do you say to someone you know is dying? What is she thinking? I can only imagine because she is too weak to speak much. But I sit and hold her hand, wipe her head with a cool towel, and hold the pan when she gets sick. She is alive but not living. It is a terrible thing to watch but it makes me so grateful for the time I have had to spend with her. This past few weeks with her sick has made me reevaluate many things in my life. My push for FI has been such a focus, but if I have to choose between work (getting to FI faster) and time with Nana I will choose the time 100%. Thanks for a great post and for letting us in on your story. 🙂