We live paycheck to paycheck, rack up credit card debt, buy too much house, have multiple cars (complete with loans), late payments, bad credit…I could go on and on. To point to the worst of these mistakes would be fruitless.
We all make money mistakes, but to really narrow it down to one mistake that is worse than the others is close to impossible.
But there is one simple mistake we tend to make that could make a huge difference in our financial lives. It is a simple question we tend to ask ourselves when things aren’t going our way: Asking “WHY?” instead of “HOW?”
Asking “Why?”*
Why don’t I make enough money to pay the bills? Why can’t I ever save any money? Why did I buy this house? Why do unexpected bills always come at the last minute? Why can’t I afford a new car (like my neighbor)?”
Take a look at those questions and see how productive the answers are.
The answers to “why” questions are typically vague and futile. If I ask myself, “Why don’t I make more money?” doesn’t help me make more money or find a solution to my problem.
While asking “why” is our attempt to search for answers, the number of potential answers can be scattered and ambiguous.
Answers to “why” questions can also create feelings of worry, criticism and blame.
For example, asking “Why can’t I ever save any money?” can produce self-defeating answers, like “because I don’t make enough money”, “because I spend too much”, or “because I make bad money decisions”. These self-critical answers tend to keep us feeling stuck and powerless.
*Note: Not all why questions are bad. Some types of why questions give us insight into our behaviors and a reason/motivation to move toward change (which is a good thing, for sure!), here I am referring to the “why is this happening to me” type of why questions.
Instead, ask “How?”
Tweaking the wording to include “How” rather than “Why” changes everything.
How can I make more money to pay the bills? How can I start saving money? How can I make this house work for me? How can I handle unexpected bills? How can I afford a new car?”
Asking “How” forces us to think about solutions. While “why” places the responsibility of our situation outside of our control, asking “how” puts us in the driver’s seat and gives us the power to find solutions to our problems.
“How” creates a picture in our head of where we want to be and how we plan to get there. It creates a results-driven answer and stimulates goal focused thinking.
“How” forces us to find the tools we need to get to the goal successfully.
For example,“How can I save more money?” helps us think about all of our options. We may think about automating savings, areas where we can cut spending, selling our “stuff”, earning more, side hustling, and the many other options we could choose that would allow us to save more money.
A change in mindset
Changing the wording of your financial problems to “How can I…” is really just a shift in mindset. It is a positive way to help you see that you have choices and solutions are available. Though the answers to your “How” questions may not be easy, asking them can be the beginning of meaningful change.
The next time you find yourself asking “Why?”, try changing it to “How?” and see what a difference one word can make!
When do you ask “Why” and “How” questions? How do you think about your money problems?
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It’s definitely good to stay solution-oriented, although I think asking the right type of “why” questions can go a long way toward staying motivation. The reason behind your action plan will get you a lot further than just the mechanics of it. But asking woe-is-me types of why questions doesn’t get us anywhere!
Agreed, Kallie, it definitely depends upon the types of why questions your asking yourself. Asking the right “why” questions can give you reasons and desire to reach for a goal (and keep you going along the way). You’re right, it’s the “woe is me” type questions that would have different, more actionable answers with “how” questions.
This is right on! When I am not seeing results in my current situation sometimes I find myself on my pity pot and realize I need to redirect my way of thinking to keep me going. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for stopping by, Lorin! Yes, you’re right, it’s exactly those situations when we need to ask ourselves “How can I?”!
Amanda, this is a great point. I love that “How” is open-ended and allows thinking outside the box.
Yes, Julie! Sometimes “How” can push us to think of solutions we’d never considered previously.
This is a great post Amanda. Not everyone appreciates the power of words and how they affect our thoughts processes. Having spent many years in consumer marketing, I can tell you that word choice is huge.
Changing from a “why” to a “how” mindset is a great habit that everyone should develop!
Thanks, Jon! Consumer marketing is fascinating – I’ve read a little bit about it and have been surprised at how little things (such as changing a word) can make a huge difference.
You are so on the money with this. It is all about mindset and until I changed mine I made excuse after excuse and got precisely nowhere. I gave my mindset a complete overhaul and I’ve now got multiple saving fund inside just 7 months. If you have a scarcity mentality you only see the lack of opportunity, when you have an abundant mentality you are tripping over opportunities and ideas left, right and center. It’s all in the mind!
Thanks, David! I believe taking control of one’s finances (and life, for that matter) requires a change in mindset. First you have to really WANT it and, you’re right, you have to have an abundance mindset and belief that it can be done. Your progress sounds amazing for just a short period of time.
The mindset is one of the biggest factors in the quest for financial freedom. You cannot simply say it and then give up and say why did I fail? Need to be proactive instead of reactive and using the word “how” allows this to happen. Thanks for the post!
Thanks, Stefan! Being proactive and having a positive mindset can definitely put you on the path to financial freedom (along with a good dose of perseverance!). Sometimes the answers to the “how” questions are not easy or fast but, with time, effort, and a growth mindset, a person can make almost anything happen.
“How” is what has gotten me to where I am today with my finances. I just kept asking “How can I earn more”, “How can I retire early”, “How can I access my funds before age 59-1/2”? Sometimes knowledge is less about having all the answers and more about asking the right questions!
Thanks! Such great examples! I do the same thing – I figure there is a solution to every problem. In fact, I’ve been asking many of the same questions you have lately 🙂 !
Too often I just stop at the Why and don’t really delve into the How for several things in life. It is a change in mindset from shifting from the negative to the positive.
Hi Josh! Yes, positive thinking is the key! You have believe that you can do it – and then find the solution that works for you. The answers may not always be easy or fast, but there is always a solution. Taking small steps then creates momentum to accomplish more than you ever imagined.
While I agree with you, most people are too selfish to think like this. Most will keep suffering and living paycheck-to-paycheck because they are too selfish and childish to change their ways. I have seen it too many times!
Thanks, Holly! How can we convince those people that change will make their lives so much better? I rack my brain trying to think of ways…
I am with both of you on this. We are interviewing for 3 apartment vacancies we have right now and almost every applicant can’t come up with a security deposit (meaning they have less than $1000 in the bank). They always have to wait until they get paid. There are so many ways to answer “how” but they take work and a change in mindset. If we could only get people spending time reading PF blogs and not posting selfies or playing games…
Thanks, Vicki! You are experiencing firsthand how many people can’t cover an unexpected expense (though in reality, when you move, you should expect to put down a security deposit). It’s true, asking “how” gives solutions, but they often require hard work and a positive mindset. And YES, I agree people should spend much more time reading PF blogs! 🙂
What a great post! Such a simple change, but it makes all the difference. I have experience in that helpless, rhetorical “Why?” questioning, and while I have compassion for people who are stuck there (it really isn’t fun to feel powerless), the alternative is SO much better! “How?” is a proactive question that puts power back in the hands of the person asking it. Good stuff here, Amanda!
Thanks, Ruth! I try to help those who ask “Why” to change their thinking and, while it doesn’t always happen, I think some shift their thinking, even if momentarily. I still ask those “Why” questions sometimes, as I think we all do, but feel so much better and proactive when I shift to a more positive, growth mindset.
Just a simple change in our viewpoints and thinking can absolutely make a difference. I hear people complain all the time about factors out of their control and put the blame on someone/something else completely unrelated. Instead asking “how” like you said, they could focus on what they can control and improve their situation. Great post Amanda!
Thank you!! You bring up a great point here – sometimes there are things that are out of our control. We need to focus our energy on what is within our control and asking “how” is a great start!
This is a really great way to look at things!
I think I have always been quite goal oriented – there has always been a why. For me the quest to earn and save more has never been for no reason. It’s been to save for travel, save for a house, and next will be to afford a family.
I’ve often got a lot of flak online about my desire to buy a house. But when people actually start to understand the ‘why’ they seem to get it. The quality of rentals here is terrible, there’s no stability, no ability to have pets and rents just keep rising – who know where they will be when it comes time to retire.
Having goals provides motivation and asking this type of “why” question is productive! It provides the incentive and reason you need to carry on and work toward your goals. And once you have your reason, “how” will get you there!
I think owning versus renting a house is a very individual choice and dependent on so many factors. It seems like you’ve done your research and weighed your options to make an informed decision.
Hey Amanda,
I completely agree. There are many problems, inequalities and general unfairness in the world. That doesn’t mean we should just give up, and accept this is our fate. ‘How’ can we change this around? I really like the question you pose 🙂
Mindset is the biggest thing with money, all the success will flow from having the right outlook and determination.
Tristan
Thanks, Tristan! No, life definitely isn’t fair, but we’ll get further going in with a positive mindset. I totally agree – with money, success is reliant upon one’s mindset 🙂 !
I agree with the above. Mindset is vital once you have enough to survive. Finding the things in yourself that you can control is far more useful than wondering why it is hard.
Good point! Focusing on what you can control is an important part of shifting your mindset.
I love this post. I’ve always been inspired by the line, “Start and the how will happen.” That one word – how – always always spoke to me.
Thanks Amanda! I love that line! I tend to just “start” things and ask “how” along the way. Sometimes just starting is the hardest part.
I like your suggested strategy. Helps focus the mind on a solution, not on identifying the problem. Even if we came up with a good answer to ‘why don’t I save enough?’, the answer is not particularly helpful. But, as you point out, devoting our energy to brainstorming how we might save more gets us somewhere. Thanks!
Thanks, Kurt! It’s all about looking for solutions to our problems!
Love this, often a simple change of mindset will do wonders
That’s exactly what you described. Will be asking how from now on.
Thank you! Glad you liked it. Shifting to a positive, solution focused mindset can spark significant change!
I’m reminded of the old campaign “Why Ask Why. Try Bud Dry.” At $10 a 30-pack, I did. The marketing may not have worked, but the discount appealed to my frugal tendencies.
Then I asked myself, “How can I drink better beer without spending 3 to 4 times the cost per serving?”
A homebrewing hobby was born.
That’s such a great example! You asked “How” and found your solution. Now you’re drinking high quality beer at a fraction of the cost and you probably enjoy it a heck of a lot more! Gotta love great beer 🙂 !