What we’re really searching for is happiness.
Whether we’re looking for a new job, a new house, or new shoes, it’s happiness we’re after. Sometimes these things do meet our basic human needs. But once our basic needs are met, we continue to search for more and more in a perpetual pursuit of happiness.
We go after ideas, goals and objects we think will bring us joy. But once we get them, our initial happiness subsides and we move on to want something better, bigger, or more our style.
This phenomenon is called hedonic adaptation*. It’s real. And it happens when we get used to changes in our lives (positive or negative) and adapt to them in our (mostly unconscious) attempt to get back to a stable emotional level. This process can be good or bad, depending on how it plays out.
For example, one study showed lottery winners experienced a high level of happiness right after their windfall, but fell back to a stable level of happiness (comparable to those who had not won the lottery) less than two years later.
An example you might relate to is the happiness experienced when you buy a new car. You’re ecstatic about that new car. Yet 6 months later that new car no longer gives the zap of dopamine you experienced when you bought it. A year or two later, you’d really like a shot of that happiness again, so you shop for the next car. Even though you know in the back of your mind you don’t need the car, you find some way to rationalize it.**
How to increase happiness
Maybe we can’t completely cure our tendency for hedonic adaptation, but it certainly would be helpful to keep it in check and still keep our happiness levels elevated. According to a study referenced by Psychology Today, there actually are some effective ways to guard against it.
The solution? Variety and appreciation.
Variety
Let’s say you tried that new sandwich at the deli a week ago and it was fabulous – maybe the best sandwich you’ve ever had in your life. So you order that same sandwich each day after that. After a week, you aren’t experiencing even remotely the same amount of pleasure that you had the day you first bit into that delectable creation.
The law of diminishing returns gets us every time. The more you eat the sandwich, the less pleasure you get each time you eat it. And, if you keep eating it every day, eventually you’ll be sick of that sandwich you once loved so dearly (Can you tell I’ve recently had the pleasure of eating a great sandwich?)
The key to making variety work for you is to change things up before you tire of whatever it is you’re enjoying so much right now.
This doesn’t mean you should go out and buy a new car because you anticipate getting bored with it. Make some changes with it – clean the car, put a new air freshener in it, shine up the tires, and wax it.
Or change your mindset about the car. Calculate how much it’s saving you over buying a new car. How much money will you save by keeping it? What could you use the money for? Maybe keeping this car could change your life! If you don’t upgrade, maybe you could work toward debt freedom, take that Caribbean vacation you’ve dreamed of or put it toward an earlier retirement!
Appreciation
The best way to gain a new appreciation for something you already have is to live without it. We take what we already have for granted, whether it’s our material possessions, health, money or relationships.
Mr. Money Mustache has a great method for increasing appreciation that he calls voluntary discomfort, or voluntary hardship. Sounds distressing. And I suppose it can be, depending on what it is or how you look at it. But, in my opinion, it’s the perfect antidote for our tendency toward hedonic adaptation.
I can’t say it any better than he does:
As a contemporary Stoic, you might make a point of seeing how long you can leave the air conditioning off on a summer day, or try hiking in bare feet instead of shoes occasionally to feel the land and force your feet to adapt to tougher conditions than a moisture-wicking merino wool hiking sock. It sounds absurd by modern standards, until you realize that by doing this, you are actually broadening your comfort zone, even while you eliminate your fear of discomfort. Thanks to the practice above, you are now able to enjoy yourself in a much broader range of temperatures, and appreciate the comfort of shoes when you do have them. Meanwhile, a person with the extreme opposite philosophy might become irritated if he ever has to travel in less than a first-class airplane seat or stay in less than a five star hotel or drink sub-$500-per-bottle wine. By experimenting with voluntary discomfort, we learn to appreciate far more of our life, and can be content with a much simpler and more wholesome one.” – Mr. Money Mustache
One of my favorite ways to create voluntary discomfort (with my finances) is by having no spend weekends and no spend months. What better way to re-evaluate “needs” then to spend as little money as possible? It helps me break up the routine, recognize where I’ve been unconsciously spending time and money, and develop an appreciation for what I already have.
It may not sound like a whole lot of fun to intentionally create discomfort, but it can go a long ways toward increasing your appreciation of, and gratitude for, what you already have. There’s no better (or cheaper) way to increase happiness, in my opinion.
How do you find and keep happiness? Do you use variety? In what ways do you create voluntary discomfort in your life?
*Thanks to Mr. Crazy Kicks for the awesome explanation hedonic adaptation!
**I know this one well. Alan and I used to buy a new (or at least new to us) car/truck every year or two. We always had a “rational” reason for it too. Once we realized the freedom we could have by not perpetuating this cycle of debt, we stopped it in it’s tracks.
I think understanding and combating hedonic adaptation is really the centerpiece of the money/happiness intersection. Really grasping this one concept can make you happier and richer in one fell swoop. Thanks for the reminder, Amanda!
Agreed, Matt. Simply understanding the relationship between money and happiness definitely increases how much you have of both! It’s easy to fall into the hedonic cycle, but when we recognize it, it’s easier to break it.
Love this, Amanda!! We need to get better at implementing variety in our lives. Our whole family prefers stability and routine, but I’ve noticed when we do change things up a little, it definitely increases our happiness level. Love the idea of voluntary hardship too. We do this sometimes but could be better at it. We’ve found in our family that volunteering always brings a happiness increase. It gives us a reminder of how good we’ve got it, and it’s a blessing to help others.
Thanks, Laurie! Yes! Volunteering should be on this list – there’s no better way to increase happiness (and gratitude) then to help others – and it’s free! Perfect. 🙂
Very interesting points from the study. It makes sense that variety and appreciation help keep us happy. Ultimately I think happiness is something that’s hard to pursue directly. Instead, I find it helps to define my purpose, because the satisfaction that comes from fulfilling a bigger purpose is more sustainable than any type of happiness.
One way we increase our comfort zone by camping for some vacations. We save a lot this way, it’s nice to be outside, and the kids love it. And then when we do go on an “inside vacation” as my 3-year-old calls is (we rent a house), it feels luxurious even if it isn’t fancy.
You’re right, Kalie, it goes deeper, for sure. It’s our purpose that drives us – nothing we can buy would create the same fulfillment.
Yes to camping! When we used to go camping for more than a few days at a time, when we walked into our house after arriving home, home would feel sooo big and spacious and full of conveniences! I mean, a hot shower!!!
I agree with you Kalie. To add to that, walking in my very calling (purpose) energizes me. It’s like finding the equilibrium or balance of life ( lack nothing). Pure joy.
This is really good Amanda. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks so much, Francis! 🙂
Happiness is found within. Within ourselves, within the smiles of our children and loved ones, within our ability to love and accept love. It took me years to figure this out, and I’m still learning it today.
I spent many years chasing happiness in things, including cars and homes. Now I find it in better places. In nature, the company of friends, the arms of family, and in the midst of creativity. Things you cannot buy.
Thanks, Amanda, for another great post and reminder to count our blessings.
Thanks, Amy! 🙂 I’m still learning too. Which is probably why I bring up the topic so much lately! We spent years in a cycle of debt from car loans – financing one car after another. Thankfully we recognized what was happening and stopped the cycle once and for all.
I was reminded, once again, over the weekend how precious time and the people in our lives are when we attended my nieces high school graduation. Oh my, I realized how quickly time has went. It seems like just yesterday I held her in my arms the day she was born. And, just next year, my son will graduate too.
Great post, Amanda! Some excellent advice on adding variety and appreciation. I let myself fall for the new car once. It took a few months before it didn’t feel very different from my old car. At least now I know how fast you adapt to things like that!
Thanks for the link, much appreciated 🙂
Thanks, Mr. CK! I fell for the new car countless times. Grateful I’ve learned the important lessons there. And I loved your post! 🙂
I’ve definitely been focusing more on being satisfied in my current situation rather than always looking for what’s next. I’ve noticed a huge benefit in that I don’t feel as much temptation to chase that dopamine high by spending money. I’m happy with our everyday life, and while I look forward to the next steps, I don’t require anything more than I already have to be happier. Great Advice!
That’s great, Ryan! When I have the temptation to seek more, I try to remind myself how much I have in my life to be grateful for. I think it’s natural (and good) to look forward, but still appreciate everything we have today. It’s a balance, for sure.
If it we’re all upside it would get boring very quickly. This is why so many musicians struggle with depression. If life is always a party with plentiful cash you have no context to understand a poor life experience. Context and variety bring happiness.
You’re so right, FTF! We can’t be in a constant state of happiness. We have to have both the ups and the downs. Thanks for the insightful comment!
Love this Amanda! It’s so true, the novelty of anything new will always wear off. I’ve found that out the hard way! A term I Iike to use, which is similar to voluntary discomfort, is delayed gratification. Either one is a great discipline to put into practice.
Thanks, MMM! Live and learn, huh?! I’ve had to learn the hard way too. Delayed gratification is a great way to develop more appreciation! Sometimes it’s the waiting that brings the most happiness anyway.
Great stuff, Amanda!
Stoicism has been making a return in contemporary circles. Tim Ferris discusses it a lot. An article of his quotes Seneca about practicing misfortune. The practice is key. The idea is to live it, as an exercise, not think about.
The key to the universe is appreciating what you have and also appreciating what you are. Because Hedonic Adaptation also makes it difficult to accept your own success. By the time you reach a goal, you’ve already been thinking ahead about the next one. You attain something great, but rather than feeling the joy you expected to feel, the feeling of success may be fleeting.
Thanks for making me think about the human condition, LOL.
Thanks, Mrs. Groovy! I’ve listened to some Seneca on Tim’s podcast and heard him mention him a few times.
Love the insight about how hedonic adaptation applies to our own successes. We do tend to be constantly one step ahead of ourselves, always thinking about the next great thing! It takes a ton of effort and practice being more mindful of the present moment and celebrate those victories. I’m definitely a work in progress there. Thanks for the thought provoking comment, Groovy lady. 🙂
I’m going to need some time to think about this – why am I happy? Generally speaking (we all have good days and bad days), I’m a pretty happy person. But why? There is a sense of accomplishment from obtaining a goal, but does that make me happy? I have gratitude for the people and comforts in my life… is that making me happy? Seems like such a simple question.
Simple question. Not so simple answer. I think, like you said, it varies from day to day and it’s multi-faceted. For me, there’s that overall feeling of satisfaction and contentment – in my life, it comes from spending time with family, creativity and helping – and of course, an appreciation for everything that’s amazing in my life.
I saw a great TED talk about the concept of hedonic adaptation, and the man speaking (wish I could remember his name!) used the lottery win example that you used. He also compared it to a devastating experience – and accident resulting in the permanent loss of the ability to walk. In the lottery win, “happiness” is way up, but it levels off to its pre-win state in about a year. For the accident, “happiness” is way down, but it too climbs up to pre-accident levels in about a year. What an amazing thing! I like your suggestion of variety – and your choice of illustrating it with sandwiches. We too get very excited about food. And we are already following MMM’s advice regarding air conditioning. It broke in our car over a year ago, and we’re starting our 2nd summer without it. Learning to love wind coming in through the windows.
Thanks Ruth! We do tend to stabilize, no matter if it’s good or bad. I think this is good information to have in life – to remember that things will, eventually, get back to “normal” in a sense.
That sandwich was so good. And it was pretty good the next day too (leftovers), but the third time? Not quite as good – it was time for some variety. It’s great you have been able to do without the a/c! There were several summers when we went without in the car too. Hairbands are a necessity!
I find happiness supporting my family. Ideally, I’d love to spend more time with them, but right now I need to work and provide for my wife and daughter. I’m so happy to be introduced to the personal finance community so I can investigate the feasibility of early retirement. Leveraging what makes me happy now, my family keeps me motivated to work hard, earn more, save more, and eventually retire early.
I also find happiness in working out. However, I need to do a variety of different workouts to stay motivated or I get bored VERY quickly.
The majority of my happiness involves spending time with the people in my life too. And, I hear you on spending more time. We spend as much time as we can together, while still working hard to earn and save for an earlier retirement. But we’d love to spend even more time!
I like to work out too. Like you, I get bored easily, which is why I like the martial arts and climbing (keeps my mind challenged too!).
Your way of finding happiness is really crazy but interesting. It may create discomfort initially and externally, but the final result will be your happiness and that too internally. Happiness with all comforts and luxuries is nothing in front of the happiness due to discomfort and appreciation.
Thanks, Durga! You know when you’re sick, and all you want to do is feel better. One day you wake up and you finally are starting to feel “normal” again – happiness is definitely up on that day! We have to have the downs to experience the ups, but it’s good to realize we always tend to level out, regardless.
Totally agree! Being occasionally uncomfortable really increases my apprication other times. Plus it can often save money that I can then funnel into other new, novel experience. It’s like a Michael Scott “win-win-win”. 😉
Thanks, Ms. Montana! 🙂 It’s always a bonus when it saves money that you can use for a new experience! This usually makes the temporary discomfort totally worth it.
Variety is so important. We’re happy to eat the same meals over and over, and while we don’t ever get truly sick of them, if we don’t mix it up every now and then we find ourselves eating out more. We also use vacations as our treats and try to eat healthier when we’re at home so that a brownie sundae fromthe Midwestern dairy-owned ice cream shop is a super-special experience.
We do the exact same things with vacations, Julie. When we’re on vacation, we get to go out to eat – it’s a treat for us and we look forward to it (no guilt!). I LOVE ice cream, but ice cream doesn’t always love me. I’ve found if I use it as a treat and only have it every now and then, I can eat it without any problems. It’s funny how it tastes so much better when you haven’t had it for a while!