Recently, I helped plan and serve the evening meal at a local homeless shelter. The faces going through the line could have been anyone – my niece, my father, my friend, myself. Whatever circumstances landed those individuals at the shelter that evening, I can only imagine what would it would have taken for them to feel fulfilled that evening.
Thinking about the people at the shelter left me feeling grateful for the fact that I have a roof over my head, food on my table and my family by my side. Yet, I have so much more than enough; I have luxuries most people in the world could only dream about – a car, computer, yard, refrigerator, bathroom…
And more often than not, life goes along without significant interruptions. Every day is full of the same – get up, go to work/school, come home, eat dinner, evening activities…repeat.
The Threshold of Enough
When basic needs are met, we have the tendency to focus on the next great thing, distracting us from the present moment. Our health, job, home, family and friends can easily be taken for granted.
At this point, when all is right with the world, we tend to raise the bar for the threshold of enough.
Boredom sets in and desire starts to stir. We want more of what our neighbors have and buy shiny, new things to make us feel more alive and keep us entertained.
The threshold of enough is ever changing, depending on what’s going on in our lives at the time.
When the unexpected happens, our lives are thrown into an uproar. The threshold of enough is lowered and our only desire is to return life to it’s original state of comfort.
Feeling well after being sick, eating when we’re hungry, feeling warmth when we’re chilled, and sleeping when we’re exhausted can leave us feeling fulfilled at the moment.
But, why do we quickly forget how happy we were with simple things, such as absence of pain or illness?
How do we stop from longing for the bigger house, car, bank account, early retirement, or new clothes?
What can we do to stop focusing on the future and live contentedly, right here in the present?
Practice mindfulness
When I think of the happiest times in my life, the to-do lists and schedules disappear, leaving enjoyable experiences and time spent with loved ones. My best memories are of traveling with my family and the adventures we’ve had over the years, not the day to day busyness that fills our lives.
The practice of mindfulness keeps our threshold of enough in check.
Mindfulness requires intentional focus on the present moment.
“Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.” –Psychology Today
Easier said than done, right? How do you incorporate mindfulness into your busy life on a day to day basis?
David from Raptitude suggests establishing the habit of being mindful each time we open a door or sit in a chair (he wrote a great post on just this).
When you open a door, drop your train of thought outright (you can pick it up again shortly) and watch your hand grasp the doorknob. Pull the door open with purpose and patience. Feel its weight. Watch as a new scene is revealed. Feel the new air of the room you are entering. Listen to the sound of the first room give way to the sound of the new room. Feel this transition with undivided attention.” – David, Raptitude
Simply practice mindfulness when you do these two things every single day. Yes, you have to remember and put in the work of performing the task. But when you do, mindfulness becomes a habit, spilling over to other times, bringing you back to the present more frequently every day.
Recognize fulfillment
The ability to distinguish the difference between desire and true fulfillment is the key to recognizing your own threshold of enough.
Knowing what adds to your own personal fulfillment, in addition to recognizing the point when nothing additional will add value, helps you decide when you have reached the point of enough.
Developing this internal benchmark guides you to stop seeking more when you have enough and leads to greater happiness.
Whether it’s food or money or things, if you don’t know, from an internal standard, what is enough, then you will pass directly from “not enough” to “too much”, with “enough” being like a little whistle-stop town. You blink and you’ve missed it”. – From Your Money or Your Life
How do you know when you’ve reached the threshold of enough? What contributes most to your sense of fulfillment?
I visited Maine as a kid . So beautiful. Looking forward to a trip back someday. Reaching the threshold of enough is going to different for everyone. I think you first need to come to terms with what makes you most happy/fulfilled. Often people have trouble finding that and often spend and spend searching for it.
We loved Maine too and hope to go back again someday. Great point, Brian! It’s true, some people do have trouble finding what makes them happy and the search can be expensive. Plus, what makes us happy evolves and changes with the passing of time.
Recently my husband and I downsized our home and moved to a smaller house. I was amazed at how much “stuff” we had accumulated over the 20 years in the last house. Somehow we breezed right past “enough” and ended up at “too much” LOL. But, we made great strides in letting go of stuff – – – prompted by the move – – – and I am feeling very fulfilled in this moment for our accomplishment.
As far as living in the moment, I try to take time out from working in my home office and appreciate the trees outside my window and the sounds of the woodland critters. It makes me feel very blessed.
Rebecca, it’s great that you have found fulfillment and take time to enjoy every day – I think nature is one of the best ways to do this! Sometimes we don’t realize the extent of our “stuff” until we make a move, especially true after several years in one home. We really decluttered when we moved two years ago and I like the not having too much furniture and decor – it brings me more peace and makes home feel more spacious too.
I think really being aware of needing to appreciate the small moments is enough. Realising that you don’t need something material to achieve happiness. And taking time to chill out and breathe!
So right about the small moments, Francesca!
Great tip – grateful for today. It’s always valuable to spend time volunteering and working with people who may not have as much as you, but are still happy. I’ve discovered that’s one of the easiest ways to become content with who I am and where I am right now. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks, Rob! I completely agree – volunteering is a great way to give back to the community and remind us how fortunate we are.
I have never thought about my threshold of enough, but I gave felt it in a sense. Like you said, when I’ll or going through something, you simply want things to go back to normal. When they do, you’re back at striving for the next thing. I guess I do need to be more intentional with practicing mindfulness.
Hi Latoya! We do tend to forget quickly when life is going along just fine. I need to work on my mindfulness too, that’s why I like the exercise in the post. We open doors and sit in chairs frequently during the day, so it’s a great time to just pay attention.
Hi Amanda,
Mindfulness comes from appreciation for life and being grateful for what we already have in our lives. There are people who like drifting to their past and some others anticipating the future. There are also those individuals who love living in the present and only.
I have been through all these 3 stages and I realized that happiness cannot be found in any of them. For me, mindfulness means to learn from the past, appreciate the present and create your future. Balance is the key to a happy life.
Beautiful and inspiring post. Thank you!
Zaria
I love this post. Sometimes on a day off (when it’s too hot to hike) we don’t leave the house at all. My friends and neighbors are at the store nearly every day, but when you lead a simple life you can substitute shopping time for relaxation or hobbies.
Thank you, Julie! I love being home – we’ve created a home life that is relaxing and enjoyable, with lots of hobbies to keep us active and occupied. I can’t imagine going to the store every day for three reasons 1)I don’t like to shop 😉 2)running errands creates unnecessary busyness and 3)it leds to over-consumption/spending.