Today’s post comes to us from Mrs. Picky Pincher, the blogger and resident klutz at www.pickypinchers.com. She writes about her journey paying off $225,000 of debt while living like a queen. Read her great post and then click on over to see all the great frugal living, debt paying, super saving information on her site.
I remember it happened one year after our financial overhaul. Mr. Picky Pincher and I visited my dad and stepmom for a weekend and we were driving to see their new home.
We just bought a home ourselves, so my stepmom asked about the financing. Here’s where I let the frugal cat out of the bag—oops. I revealed the modest purchase price of our home ($145,000) but that we planned to pay it off in eight years.
Cue record-scratching sound.
Her eyes grew wide as saucers as she fired off questions, finding it impossible how a twenty-something could pay off a home so quickly. “We live on Mr. Picky Pincher’s income and save all of my income,” I explained.
“So, what, are you living on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ramen noodles?” she quipped.
“No, we live quite well,” I replied, quickly changing the subject to something nice like puppies and kittens.
After you transition to a frugal lifestyle, casual conversation is a minefield, especially with people who live differently from you. My conversations inevitably always end with accusations that I surely must sleep in a cardboard box and wear rags. Frugality is viewed as a sacrificial, deprived form of living for people who can’t bear to part with their carefully-pinched pennies.
Oh, please!
If you saw me you’d know I eat extremely well (I have the thighs to prove it), dress in the latest fashions, and keep up with the newest Netflix craze. I live an extravagant lifestyle by all accounts, but I still save over 50% of my income each year.
Here’s why I don’t think my new lifestyle is a sacrifice.
Why Frugal Living Isn’t A Sacrifice
I can be happy and fulfilled with less stuff
Who said owning more crap makes us happy?
I have no idea where this concept came from, but it’s misguided. As long as your base human needs are met, happiness and material wealth aren’t associated whatsoever.
My family jokes that I’m deprived because I don’t have a Keurig, the newest TV, or the fastest car. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with these things, but I’ve rejected them to save money. I don’t need extra clutter hanging around and slipping $5 notes out of my wallet every day.
I don’t want more possessions because I don’t need them. They don’t make me happy. I’m more content to apply my money towards things that matter, like retiring early, helping others, and spending time with family.
As a recovered shopaholic, this wasn’t an easy lesson to learn. After plenty of stumbles and crying over gallons of ice cream, I’ve learned the difference between wants and needs. But it’s made me see that saying no to material possessions isn’t a sacrifice; it’s about knowing what I want out of life and actually acting on those desires.
I don’t ‘deserve’ anything
I’ll be the first to admit I fall of the frugal wagon every now and then. It’s usually when I fall prey to the evil word “deserve.”
“Oh man, I’ve had a hard day. I deserve a tall glass of champagne.”
“Good grief, we saved so much money last month! We deserve a nice dinner to celebrate.”
“I got a promotion at work! I deserve a new manicure.”
A lot of people would do these things without batting an eye. Something good or bad happened, so treat yo’self, right? You deserve something nice, right?
No, I don’t think we deserve anything in this life.
I don’t deserve something because I had a bad day and I don’t deserve something for doing a good job. It’s not a sacrifice to forgo the nail salon because I don’t feel entitled to a reward in the first place. I’m all for little treats now and then, but I don’t approach them from the angle of deserving something.
I still fall into this line of thinking every now and then (nobody’s perfect), but I just have to remember that I don’t deserve treats for being an adult every day. Once I realized life didn’t owe me anything, it was easy to see that unnecessary treats cut into my budget. If anything, I sacrificed my future freedom and stability for the sake of some French tips.
I’m not the problem
Our buying culture has definitely changed with the times. Back in the 1940s or so, my level of consumption would be seen as obscene! But by today’s standards I don’t buy nearly enough.
I’ve decided to do my own thang and not worry about other people. But people who regularly consume non-essentials view the decision to go against the flow as unnatural and deprived. If I’m not like them, surely I must be suffering. Surely I wouldn’t limit myself on material pleasures unless I were truly destitute. But nope, I’m actually totally fine and building my net worth by the day, thanks to smart saving and prioritizing debt payoff.
It’s taken some adjusting, but I’ve realized that my choice to live frugally isn’t the problem: it’s other people’s misguided perception of what ‘frugal’ actually means. It’s the decision to live more simply and really think about your money and your life.
The Bottom Line
I believe frugality looks different for everyone. There’s no right way to be frugal and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to saving money. But I argue that living beneath your means (whatever that looks like for you) isn’t a sacrifice. It’s about exercising judgment on your money instead of mindlessly pumping it into systems designed to take your money. If you feel like you’re sacrificing something by being frugal, consider shifting your mentality or reconsider the items you cut from your budget in the first place. Looking back on my life, I find myself thinking, “Why didn’t I do this sooner?!” That’s how frugal living should feel.
Being frugal isn’t about sacrifice. It’s about creating a comfortable life while stretching the limits of your money’s capabilities.
It is so true that frugality looks different for everyone! If you are able to live frugally by your definition and do not feel deprived in any way, that’s a major victory. I often wonder why we humans are able to adapt so well to changes and realizations in life, yet many of us are so slow to realize that buying more stuff rarely leads to lasting increased happiness. Thanks for sharing your perspective, Mrs. PP, and for sharing this piece, Amanda!
Thanks for your insight! If only I had a dollar for every time someone told me “debt is just a way of life,” or something along those lines, then I would have enough money to pay off my debt! It is possible to live well, but frugal.
I recently posted on FB about the big trip I’m taking to Europe in May. So many commented that “I deserved it” and not to worry about money (I have the cash to pay for it, but it’s still hard for me to part ways with it). I’ almost uncomfortable with people telling ME that. Why do I deserve a vacation over someone else who might work just as hard, but they DON’T have the cash to pay for it. I don’t like that word either! No, I CHOSE to go on this trip based on my values and what I saved for.
I think a lot of people still associate being frugal with being cheap. That is not the case. They call it PERSONAL finance for a reason. As long as you stick to your plan and value base spend you can call it whatever you like.
When my husband and I tell friends or family that we won’t be able to go on a trip or out to dinner because it’s not in the budget…they always offer, “We’ll cover you, just pay us back when you can.” And they’re left scratching their heads when we explain that we have money, we’re just choosing to use it otherwise. Our “eating out” budget may have already been spent for the month.
You definitely know how to make frugality fabulous! If other people don’t get it, that’s really unfortunate for them. I like your perspective that you don’t “deserve” anything. When we consider our lifestyles relative to the majority of the world, we are truly in the lap of luxury. That reminds me, I still need to see that $1 a day doc you wrote about recently…
Living well does not take much money. To many people try and spend their way to happiness. In the process they loose their creativity and become dependent on buying junk that makes them less happy.
Great job at saving more while living it up!
Learn how to cook and cook well. Not only can I cook a luxurious meal for two for less than the price of a Big-Mac (and still have leftovers); throwing the meal together is more enjoyable to me than most of the high priced entertainment available. If only I could find washing the dishes just as enjoyable, I would be in heaven.
I love your point on deserving! It’s so easy to fall into that trap from time to time after doing good things! I still fall into it, especially with my love of food, but I digress! When we can learn to stay motivated by our goal progress rather than “stuff”, we can usually get much further, faster! Thanks for the great reminder!
re: “Frugality is viewed as a sacrificial, deprived form of living for people who can’t bear to part with their carefully-pinched pennies.”
And this is what drives me nuts. If you live frugally, a lot of people are waaaay too quick to assume you’re a cheapskate, or to assume you’re living frugally because you suck with money and if only you were better at it you’d have more and not have to be frugal.
Being frugal helps one to get ahead faster and further compared to the alternative.
Living differently from the norm can be tough… sooo many people will try to drag you down for it – but luckily, there are also plenty of people who get it – people who will cheer you on the entire way.
I love this article! I especially like how you pointed out that we don’t deserve anything because it is so true! It’s such a change in mindset to live frugal but I couldn’t picture doing it any other way. At times like this, I some how wonder what i would even spend all my extra money on currently.
Bang on the money with everything you say Mrs Picky. I usually keep any talk of my frugal life to a minimum as others are pretty closed-minded to the concept and can be quite sarcastic about the life I choose to live. But then I’m on holiday for a month right now, and they’re still working……cos they have to, bahahahahaa.
Oh, that’s a painful conversation with your step-mom. Is she thinking that kind of comment is going to be good for your long-term relationship? Yikes! Congratulations on your “sobriety” from shopaholism. You’re on the right track big time. I don’t fall prey to the “I deserve it” scenario so much as I do to the “buy to make me feel better” scenario when I’m tired or have had a tough day. The self-medication of spending&eating is not effective, but I have a hard time not resorting to it. Good progress overall in our finances, but still some challenges.
Frugality just means that you aren’t wasting money on things that don’t bring value. I wish more people understood that so that they didn’t feel like they need to deprive themselves to save money. Frugality is definitely not deprivation!
I, too, fell into the “I deserve this” trap. Thanks to so many great FIRE blogs, I changed my mentality so that, instead of saying I deserve X, I say to myself, “I deserve financial freedom.” This is the best way to remind myself of what I’m truly working towards.
I am absolutely amazed at today’s entitlement mentality, and I think it’s a large part of what accounts for the spending craze that has turned into a “necessity” in today’s world. We like to tell ourselves that we’re not spending because we deserve financial security more than we deserve pointless “stuff”. :-)Keep up the great work!
Nice post, Mrs. Picky Pincher! When it comes to frugality, perceptions don’t matter. What people think should be the least of one’s concerns. Net worth or bank balance are not going to go up or down because someone thinks more or less of your or me.
As long as we are living a comfortable life with our frugal lifestyle, then I would say that all is well. Wish you the very best in paying off your home in eight years.
You’re right! There is absolutely no sacrifice in frugal living. My habits and my mindset just changed. I started wanting and needing less. I wasn’t going without anything. That to me is a poor man’s mentality and it keeps us in the same living conditions.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Mrs. PP! For those of us who’ve seen the light, living frugally is easy. It un-clutters your life and improves your relationships and your bank account.
I need to remember to change the conversation over the the topic of puppies and kitties next time I’m questioned about my spending habits. All we need is to tell people the two of us live on less than 40K a year and they want to start buying us (poor deprived folks) things.
Wow. Great article. I am fighting with this deserving mentality in myself. I have finally paid off my student loan (we pay as part of our tax in NZ, with 10c in the $). It has taken me 25 years. Now I am thinking that I deserve all the things I’ve done without with the decent chunk of money we’ll now have each payday. However maybe this is an excellent chance to exercise judgement on my money- as you said so well.
Not sure if you’ve heard of the 100 happy days challenge? It took off on social media (in the uk at least) a couple of years ago, and basically the challenge comes from how people don’t have time to be happy anymore, in spite of all that we have.
I wasn’t a huge fan of the challenge at the time, because it involved posting your hundred happy days on facebook with a photo and caption, and I’ve got an aversion to facebook and how people present their life airbrushed. But after the craze died down, I did my own version where I just made myself a little note each day. And the first time, I failed! Since then, I’ve done it again and analysed the things that made me happy on each day to share on the blog. It turned out that 70% of things came from things that didn’t cost anything.
So I think my answer to your question is no, frugal living doesn’t mean sacrifice. I guess it can translate to that, depending on how you go about it.
Your mortgage payoff goal is similar to ours, except our goal is $70k in 7 years. We are living frugally, but, our income is on the relatively low side ($30k-$35k annually). We have to pay more attention to our finances than we used to when we made more, but, we lack nothing in our life even though we don’t go to Hawaii each year or go out to each week. Plus, once we get the house paid for we will feel like kings!
Great article. My opinion is that living frugally is actually a lot easier than living like a big spender. 🙂 Been there done that 🙂
Keep up!