6 ways to stop your desire to keep up with the Joneses

jonesesThe Joneses I know shop at the high end stores and are always dressed in the latest name brand clothing. Though they may not live in a mansion, they appear to live an effortless, comfortable upper-middle class lifestyle.

The Joneses seem to be living this luxurious life, free from worry, buying the latest and greatest cars, clothes and homes, leaving many of us with a pang of jealousy and desire to have what they have.

To envy the Joneses is human. Not one of us can escape having that feeling at one time or another in our lives. Envy is, by nature, a survival mechanism. We constantly assess those around us, competing with them to ensure we get our own needs met.

We envy money, status, relationships, careers, weight and attractiveness. Other people appear to have a perfect, fulfilled life and all of their success points to our inadequacies.

A little bit of envy sprinkled here and there is normal and can be healthy, but having constant feelings of jealousy can lead us astray from financial security and what is truly important in life.

Why do we try to keep up with the Joneses?

Advertising and marketing. Even when we are unaware, we are constantly besieged by some sort of marketing. It’s entrenched in our culture to the extent that we invariably feel that we are constantly lacking something, leaving us searching for ways to fix our perceived flaws.

Easily accessible credit. Immediate gratification is deeply ingrained in society today – we want what we want and we want it right now. Availability of credit cards and consumer loans enables us to satisfy our hunger and fix our shortcomings post haste.

Social media. This is where we only see people at their finest. No one shares status updates about doing nothing on a Friday night, thousands of dollars in credit card debt, the F on their kid’s report card, or pictures of what they look like after a sleepless night.

We want to BE the Joneses! Having all the fanciness is an attempt to appear well-off and successful in hopes that we will be well liked…and envied ourselves. Friends attained in this manner are unlikely to be true friends.

When we stop trying to keep up with the Joneses we become more personally fulfilled and financially secure.

6 ways to stop trying to keep up with the Joneses

Realize things are not always as they seem.

In reality the Joneses may be knee deep in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. Many families have no savings and are spending even more than they earn.

Use your envy as motivation to get your financial ducks in a row and start to live a life in line with your own dreams and values.

Researchers have found that envy takes two forms. The harmful form is malicious envy when one party does everything in it’s power to bring down the coveted rival. Benign envy, on the other hand, leads to a moving-up motivation aimed at improving one’s own position”. In this case, envy isn’t a negative force, but a source of inspiration for improvement in one’s own life.

Ignore advertising when possible, while remembering you are constantly trying to be sold something.

Marketing is pervasive – learn to recognize it.

Know you can live like the Joneses if you want to, but choose a different path, one that leads to personal happiness and financial security.

Sure, you could take an expensive vacation too, but you would have to put it on your credit card to pay for it. Have the conviction that you choose a different path, one that puts you closer to your life dreams and goals.

Be grateful for what you have.

Whenever I catch myself thinking “Life would be different (better) if…”, I stop myself. I have everything I could ever want to make me happy. Notice the simple joys in your life every day.

Learn that buying “things” will not add to your overall level of happiness.

You may get that little high when you first make a purchase, but that feeling fades quickly, leaving you wanting more and more of the things that will never bring true fulfillment.

Everyone has different “Joneses”. Who are the Joneses in your life? How do you stop yourself from trying to keep up?

17 thoughts on “6 ways to stop your desire to keep up with the Joneses

  1. Great post! There are two items in your list that really stick out to me: things aren’t always as they seem and buying things doesn’t necessarily bring happiness.

    The Joneses always seem to have it together but most of the time, they are struggling to keep up with they life they portray. Also, life becomes so much simplier when you find the things that truly make you happy, and it is almost never buying more and more things.

    1. Thanks, Thias!

      Life is definitely simpler when you are doing what makes you happy. Slowing things down, taking a step back, and figuring out what it is we want out of life with the precious time we have left is a great way to get past keeping up with those Joneses!

  2. No Jones for us. More stuff won’t make you happy. Sharing experiences, and spending time with loved one will. You don’t need to be a millionaire to do that,, just be intentional with your money.

    1. I’m with you, Brian! Being intentional and keeping spending in line with values doesn’t take a massive amount of money.

  3. This is something that is felt by people who still haven’t matured financially I believe. There’s a few stages of money behaviors and everyone is at different stages in life depending on their financial education life experiences. Good luck keeping up with the paycheck to paycheck joneses.

  4. Well done. I’ve always found that chasing after the Joneses leads to disappointment. Basically you are trying to live someone else idea of what a good life is to impress other people. It makes no sense.

    To keep myself from getting caught up in this I tell myself “Ignore the Joneses, they’re broke”

    1. Thanks, Andrew! It doesn’t make any sense to buy things just to impress others. It’s important to recognize what the most important things are in your own life and live your life in accordance with your own values.

  5. I wanted to beat the Jones’s for most of my mid-twenties. I wanted to be the first to have a nice car, nice house, and the dog. When I got all of those things, I realized that it meant nothing because it was all on credit. My “high income” qualified me to buy nicer stuff but really meant that it qualified me to take on more debt than my peers. I’ve since sold the car, in the process of selling the house, keeping the dog (hah!) but it’s been a process!

    1. Julie, I was the same way in my 20’s! It’s great you’ve made changes and are making good progress – and I’m glad you’re keeping the dog 🙂 I kept mine too.

  6. I don’t care about the Joneses personally, but it can be hard on the kids when they have to play with the Jones kids who all have the latest and greatest everything and get to go on awesome vacations all the time. That’s what I find myself struggling with

    1. Good point, Ty! We’re running into that with our 15 year old son more lately. He wants the name brand shoes and clothes and we don’t spend that much on clothes. He’s made the choice to have fewer clothes and get them as gifts for his birthday. Thanks for stopping by!

  7. Bit late to the comment party (stumbled on this article on Pinterest).

    I actually have grown to a place where I pity the Joneses – I feel sad for them, they must be so stressed out pretending to be the graceful duck gliding the surface of the water, meanwhile their feet are kicking a million miles an hour just to keep them afloat. It’s an exhausting and very shallow life. I try to keep that in mind when I have even the slightest “oh shiney” moment of desire.. the financial independence lifestyle, having a nice safety net, retiring early – all these should be the focus of society envy! I feel proud to say I’m in the camp working towards those things.

    Jasmin

    1. Thanks for stopping by to comment, Jasmin! I feel the same way about the Joneses, mostly because they are so busy trying to keep up the lifestyle they don’t have time/energy to focus on the things that matter most. The shiny things are distractions from what’s really important. I think many people do envy those who have been able to retire early and reach financial independence, but they don’t believe they can do it (or they really don’t want it bad enough).

  8. This is one of the worst things about our society and capitalism in general. I love to buy things and nothing feels better than going shopping for something new. But over time that happiness fades. Actually, it fades practically overnight. It’s better to save money and invest for the future. Great post!

    1. Thanks! You’re right, the joy of buying often fades quickly. I try to wait on purchases to ensure it’s really something that will add value to my life. Thanks for your comment!

  9. I love this article. I see this happen everyday. People will go out and purchases stuff they don’t need. They will pay more to have a brand name item. I simply purchase what I need to with cost and quality in mind, I don’t care what others think so I have ever felt bad not having a north jacket or whatever everyone else has. At the end of the day I know most of these people are in debt up to their eye balls and I;m sitting back watching my stacks grow =)

    1. Thanks for the comment! The only time in my life I’ve cared about brand names was when I was 15 and I wanted those Guess jeans (that may date me a bit). I’m glad it didn’t last any longer than that – I really don’t like to shop and don’t care what others think, so that has really helped to grow savings. Like you, I also think about how much debt other people must be incurring to make all of their purchases.

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